At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize