ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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