It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
