I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
