Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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