Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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