Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't turn off my feet"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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