my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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