We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
