i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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