i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize