Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
