i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
