i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize