You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When are your genitals available?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
