I'm gonna have a badass scar
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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