Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
