FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
