yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
