Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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