so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
