It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
