He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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