I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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