Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
