i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
