honey bunches of taint.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
