This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize