Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
