I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
