When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
