I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
