her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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