Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
