I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
