How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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