How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
