you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
