No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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