Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
