I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
