Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
