I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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