apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
