How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
