and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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