I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
