Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize