i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
