I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
