I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
