so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
