I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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