11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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