Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
