I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
