I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
