Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize