i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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