my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
