Pappa wants mamma naked
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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