When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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