im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
