Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
