Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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