bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
