separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
