I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
