Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
