can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
