I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
