Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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