this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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