Umm I'm too high to move.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
