as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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