Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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