If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
