It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
