My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
