the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize