Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
