You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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