I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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