just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
