walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
