don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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