So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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