im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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