he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
