I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
