Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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