Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
