she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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