i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
